Committing to writing something every day about how Annie and I are doing at this time in our lives, isn’t always going to be easy; we knew that when we started. And writing something today is one of those days.
In some ways it’s just been a normal day and there’s no physical reason for it to be so unsettling. We slept well, we ate well. Physically I feel a lot better than I did last week. Annie was even able to drive into town to pick up a birthday gift for a friend while I got on with a few tasks here at home. What’s more, we got a phone-call from a charity foundation that specialises in sending terminally ill people and their spouses for luxury ‘well-being’ days away; it seems that in time for Annie’s birthday they are planning on treating us to a day at a luxury spa hotel. So there should be plenty to be happy about, right?
I hope that I don’t sound ungrateful for these blessings and privileges; if I do, I don’t mean to be. There are so many invitations to escape from reality but all they seem to do is emphasise how real and serious our circumstances are.
I just got done saying goodnight to Annie. She has an indescribable pain in her side. And as I tucked her into bed, we just cried.
This blog will not airbrushed or pain-filtered. We never want it to appear like the road of suffering for us is paved with roses and goose-down. Neither do we want the high-points of this blog to give credit to the courage and determination of Ryan and Annie. We are weak and fragile. Sometimes too weak and frail and troubled to even articulate a prayer.
But we belong to Jesus. His name is written on our hearts and our names are engraved on His hands. No matter what we feel, we will never cease to be His. We are forever on His heart and forever in His hands. That is the reality we never want to escape.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. – 2 Corinthians 4:7-11
Lord Jesus, we love You and trust You.